Wednesday May 28, 2014....
It's a beautiful day. The sky is blue, the birds are chirping and I am smiling. I like to smile it feels good. I have been so happy lately. It helps a lot that I'm seeing someone who doesn't put me down every two minutes. He doesn't want me to be what I am not. He just likes being with me. It's so different and strange to what I am used to. He also doesn't make promises to do something and then not do it. He just says what do you need done? and then he does it. It's so nice!!
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Friday, May 23, 2014
Friday May 23, 2014....
Happiness is not over rated. I have felt so good this past week. Even court couldn't bring me down. The smile on my face feels so right. Sometimes I don't even notice that I'm smiling. I just find myself with this big grin.
Boy two has managed to already completely declutter the living room and start on the dining area. At this rate I won't have to do much ha ha. We have to get as much as we can from the house so I can find a place to move. I can't be here forever. I also need to find a second job or better paying job so I can keep up on the rent. Something will work out. I believe God has my back.
The ex was bothering me and I said we just needed to try and go on with our lives. I told him that I have already moved on with mine. He says "good for you" don't know if it was sarcastic or not. Don't care.
He kept telling me I'd be happier than I had ever been, when I came to live here with him. I guess I just had to leave him to actually be happy because now I am definitely happier than I have ever been. Now I just want to have some stability and a place to live. Oh ya, we are moving right on with our lives. I'm so happy to finally be doing so.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Wednesday May 21, 2014....
The best day of my life!!! I am free!!! Nothing ever goes without a price so we will be homeless to have the freedom but I am free. I am divorced and will get final papers within 2 weeks. Then we just have to get the properties sold and I am truly free of him.
God has got to have a bigger plan for me. I hope it includes my friend that makes me so happy I could burst, but I know I deserve something good and I have Faith God is bringing me to it.
I have to keep a smile on my face and forget the past which includes today and everything before it. The past is going to kill me. I need to put it away and move on. I can do this. Millions of moms support themselves all the time. I can to.
I won't let him destroy my soul. I won't let him destroy me. I have made it this far fairly put together I intend to make it the rest of the way out to freedom with a smile on my face and bounce in my step. Who knows what tomorrow could bring. Maybe i'll find that dream job that will pay more than he could ever hope to make and I can tell him where exactly he can shove his worthless money. Til then I'll keep praying that a miracle awaits me and I won't actually have to be homeless.
The best day of my life! Smile on my face and sun shining down on me. Tomorrow can only get better.
The best day of my life!!! I am free!!! Nothing ever goes without a price so we will be homeless to have the freedom but I am free. I am divorced and will get final papers within 2 weeks. Then we just have to get the properties sold and I am truly free of him.
God has got to have a bigger plan for me. I hope it includes my friend that makes me so happy I could burst, but I know I deserve something good and I have Faith God is bringing me to it.
I have to keep a smile on my face and forget the past which includes today and everything before it. The past is going to kill me. I need to put it away and move on. I can do this. Millions of moms support themselves all the time. I can to.
I won't let him destroy my soul. I won't let him destroy me. I have made it this far fairly put together I intend to make it the rest of the way out to freedom with a smile on my face and bounce in my step. Who knows what tomorrow could bring. Maybe i'll find that dream job that will pay more than he could ever hope to make and I can tell him where exactly he can shove his worthless money. Til then I'll keep praying that a miracle awaits me and I won't actually have to be homeless.
The best day of my life! Smile on my face and sun shining down on me. Tomorrow can only get better.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Tuesday May 20, 2014....
Tomorrow is the big day!!! I am all smiles and I am sure that tomorrow being the final court day is has something to do with it but more importantly.....
I have reconnected with an old friend who has always been just a friend and although he doesn't remember or get it, I have always found him to be honorable and respectful. He has always been really, really good to me. I don't know how else to say it. My mom of course hates him. Well hate may be to strong a word but she doesn't like him. More to the point she doesn't like me being with anyone. She wants me to be alone like her. It's a problem. I need my own place. I don't want to be alone. I will if I have to be but Id rather have someone around who makes me smile like he does.
He's in St. George , UT working and we text and talk. I need to be able to go on with my life but don't want to do anything but sit and think about him and smile. I don't even remember the last time I was this happy.
I hope it doesn't end, but if it does at least I have had a relief from the sadness.
Smile!!!
Tomorrow is the big day!!! I am all smiles and I am sure that tomorrow being the final court day is has something to do with it but more importantly.....
I have reconnected with an old friend who has always been just a friend and although he doesn't remember or get it, I have always found him to be honorable and respectful. He has always been really, really good to me. I don't know how else to say it. My mom of course hates him. Well hate may be to strong a word but she doesn't like him. More to the point she doesn't like me being with anyone. She wants me to be alone like her. It's a problem. I need my own place. I don't want to be alone. I will if I have to be but Id rather have someone around who makes me smile like he does.
He's in St. George , UT working and we text and talk. I need to be able to go on with my life but don't want to do anything but sit and think about him and smile. I don't even remember the last time I was this happy.
I hope it doesn't end, but if it does at least I have had a relief from the sadness.
Smile!!!
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Thursday May 15, 2014.....
Smiling from ear to ear.. fighting graves disease, hospital wants me back for another mammogram. Court pushed back yet another week. Hovering on the brink of homelessness my car getting worse each day. Smile from ear to ear.
Funny how old friends can make you feel. I'm sure it won't last but it feels good to have someone even interested in me in any way at all. I might smile all weekend.
Smiling from ear to ear.. fighting graves disease, hospital wants me back for another mammogram. Court pushed back yet another week. Hovering on the brink of homelessness my car getting worse each day. Smile from ear to ear.
Funny how old friends can make you feel. I'm sure it won't last but it feels good to have someone even interested in me in any way at all. I might smile all weekend.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Wednesday May 14, 2014...
Court was postponed again. Now the 22nd. Trying to keep a positive outlook even though it's hard with everything going on. Starting my day feeling peaceful though and that's a good sign.
Had a mammogram yesterday, just got a call asking if I can come back they need to see me. Not feeling as peaceful as this morning. Feeling rather ill.
Wonder what tomorrow will bring? Don't know how much more I can take. Already fighting graves disease, trying to get through a 3 year divorce, about to be homeless with my kids, and now this. Yes I can handle cancer! NOT!!!!
Court was postponed again. Now the 22nd. Trying to keep a positive outlook even though it's hard with everything going on. Starting my day feeling peaceful though and that's a good sign.
Had a mammogram yesterday, just got a call asking if I can come back they need to see me. Not feeling as peaceful as this morning. Feeling rather ill.
Wonder what tomorrow will bring? Don't know how much more I can take. Already fighting graves disease, trying to get through a 3 year divorce, about to be homeless with my kids, and now this. Yes I can handle cancer! NOT!!!!
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Sunday May 11, 2014...
What an amazing day it's been!!! Ahhh Mother's Day. It's my favorite. I stayed in bed most of the day and had breakfast served to me in bed by son 2 who even did the dishes after. Daughter made me presents some with clay and some with paper all of them equally darling. Son 1 gave me an Orchid and put gas in my car.
All of them have been sweet and wonderful to me all day. I love this day and I love being a Mother. So blessed. Out of all the stresses and wondering what we will have, I have the most important thing in my kids.
I am very blessed to have them and to be their MOM.
What an amazing day it's been!!! Ahhh Mother's Day. It's my favorite. I stayed in bed most of the day and had breakfast served to me in bed by son 2 who even did the dishes after. Daughter made me presents some with clay and some with paper all of them equally darling. Son 1 gave me an Orchid and put gas in my car.
All of them have been sweet and wonderful to me all day. I love this day and I love being a Mother. So blessed. Out of all the stresses and wondering what we will have, I have the most important thing in my kids.
I am very blessed to have them and to be their MOM.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Saturday May 10, 2014....
Yes it's true, I've made it to Saturday!!! Tomorrow is Mother's Day which is of course my favorite day. I don't do anything on Mothers Day. I barely get dressed most of the time. My kids are nice to me that day, they cook for me and they don't fight. They clean and do extra chores so I don't have to. My daughter has been working on "presents" all week and I'm so excited to see what she has made me.
Trying to get my household chores done today so I can continue my nothingness tomorrow. This coming week will be one of trials and stress but I am hoping to get through it with a smile on my face and hopefully with my head held high and a smile on my face.
Divorce week is upon us and we should find out if in fact we are homeless. I know this will relieve a lot of stress for all of us my children included. Best of all it will be over and I can begin to move forward.
Put a smile on your face and don't let anyone take your happiness. It's not worth being miserable for anyone.
Yes it's true, I've made it to Saturday!!! Tomorrow is Mother's Day which is of course my favorite day. I don't do anything on Mothers Day. I barely get dressed most of the time. My kids are nice to me that day, they cook for me and they don't fight. They clean and do extra chores so I don't have to. My daughter has been working on "presents" all week and I'm so excited to see what she has made me.
Trying to get my household chores done today so I can continue my nothingness tomorrow. This coming week will be one of trials and stress but I am hoping to get through it with a smile on my face and hopefully with my head held high and a smile on my face.
Divorce week is upon us and we should find out if in fact we are homeless. I know this will relieve a lot of stress for all of us my children included. Best of all it will be over and I can begin to move forward.
Put a smile on your face and don't let anyone take your happiness. It's not worth being miserable for anyone.
Friday, May 9, 2014
Friday May 9, 2014.....
Happiness is FRIDAY!!! Long day at work, had to be supervisor back up so when it rains it pours, you are either taking a bunch of supervisor calls or sitting and staring at the wall. Either way it's no fun!
But I am home now and my Sister is on her way to hang out. The kids are gone so I have the house to myself and short of being super tired I think it should be a wonderful night.
Surround yourself with people
that reflect who you want to be and
how you want to feel
energies are contagious!!
Happiness is FRIDAY!!! Long day at work, had to be supervisor back up so when it rains it pours, you are either taking a bunch of supervisor calls or sitting and staring at the wall. Either way it's no fun!
But I am home now and my Sister is on her way to hang out. The kids are gone so I have the house to myself and short of being super tired I think it should be a wonderful night.
Surround yourself with people
that reflect who you want to be and
how you want to feel
energies are contagious!!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Wednesday May 7, 2004....
The rain falling on the roof at work this morning was like there were a million drummers beating on the roof with their bare hands. It was awesome! I stopped mid sentence to listen and then had to apologize to the customer.. Out the window it was dark gray and you couldn't see the building across the Stream. It didn't last near long enough.
Wish I wasn't so cold all the time though. This Thyroid disease really sucks! My hair is falling out, I can't lose weight, I'm always freezing no matter the temp, I can't absorb my iron so my anemia is really bad lately and my memory is going. Thank you Graves Disease.
But I am grateful for the rain storm and the dark clouds and my hoodie that I would gladly live in all year round. Not much of a fashion statement I know but then I never was into fashion.
Grateful the day turned out so good. Grateful that boy 2 got some driving in today and was smiling and laughing. Grateful daughter didn't have homework and went to bed without fights ensuing. Grateful tomorrow is Thursday (even though I wish I didn't work on Friday) Grateful the week hasn't been too bad. I've laughed and smiled through every problem today and it really has been a joyful day.
Here's hoping tomorrow will be just as lovely and perhaps the weather will start clearing up for Mothers Day on Sunday. Someone took my shift at work so I don't have to work on Saturday and get I my full Mothers Day weekend. (another thing to be grateful for.)
The rain falling on the roof at work this morning was like there were a million drummers beating on the roof with their bare hands. It was awesome! I stopped mid sentence to listen and then had to apologize to the customer.. Out the window it was dark gray and you couldn't see the building across the Stream. It didn't last near long enough.
Wish I wasn't so cold all the time though. This Thyroid disease really sucks! My hair is falling out, I can't lose weight, I'm always freezing no matter the temp, I can't absorb my iron so my anemia is really bad lately and my memory is going. Thank you Graves Disease.
But I am grateful for the rain storm and the dark clouds and my hoodie that I would gladly live in all year round. Not much of a fashion statement I know but then I never was into fashion.
Grateful the day turned out so good. Grateful that boy 2 got some driving in today and was smiling and laughing. Grateful daughter didn't have homework and went to bed without fights ensuing. Grateful tomorrow is Thursday (even though I wish I didn't work on Friday) Grateful the week hasn't been too bad. I've laughed and smiled through every problem today and it really has been a joyful day.
Here's hoping tomorrow will be just as lovely and perhaps the weather will start clearing up for Mothers Day on Sunday. Someone took my shift at work so I don't have to work on Saturday and get I my full Mothers Day weekend. (another thing to be grateful for.)
Monday, May 5, 2014
Monday May 5, 2014...
Today went ok at work and it's almost to tomorrow. I'm hoping if I look ahead to tomorrow and think about getting off it will go fast. hmmmm maybe?
Stop criticizing yourself
don't worry
forgive yourself
Be grateful
Have dreams
Have fun
Have a relationship with yourself
Be kind & generous
Stop criticizing others
Develop your spiritual life
See the good
Be truthful even to yourself
see & appreciate beauty
love whoever is around to be loved
finding happiness.... I hope we all find it and hold on to it. We are the only
ones to make ourselves happy. Nobody else has that control. Now if I can just remember that and let go of everything else.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Sunday May 4, 2014....
Was a beautiful weekend although I didn't get much done. Spent a little time out side weeding and mowing. Spent a lot of time wondering what the next couple weeks will bring.
Really nervous for my mammogram although I'm sure everyone gets nervous I really wish I could have these sorts of things come up and not even stress about it. What's to stress about yet right? Really nervous for my divorce to be finalized, find out if we are homeless or not. Again, no need to worry until it gets here. Hope it all comes and goes quickly so I can go on with my life.
Thankful for my kids and family and friends. My kids are my everything and I don't know what I would do without them even though they act like ungrateful teenagers at times. Here's is hoping that as they grow up they will like me again and know that everything I do I do for them.
Keep praying for peace for us all. Praying that we can all find happiness in a world so full of ugliness.
Was a beautiful weekend although I didn't get much done. Spent a little time out side weeding and mowing. Spent a lot of time wondering what the next couple weeks will bring.
Really nervous for my mammogram although I'm sure everyone gets nervous I really wish I could have these sorts of things come up and not even stress about it. What's to stress about yet right? Really nervous for my divorce to be finalized, find out if we are homeless or not. Again, no need to worry until it gets here. Hope it all comes and goes quickly so I can go on with my life.
Thankful for my kids and family and friends. My kids are my everything and I don't know what I would do without them even though they act like ungrateful teenagers at times. Here's is hoping that as they grow up they will like me again and know that everything I do I do for them.
Keep praying for peace for us all. Praying that we can all find happiness in a world so full of ugliness.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Thursday May 1, 2014....
Sunny blue day. Work went on as though the energizer bunny was in charge and I am very thankful to be at the end of it. Not feeling very happy lately I guess I'm just getting really stressed with court getting so close and not knowing what's going to happen or if we'll be homeless or not.... I really don't want to have to tell my kids I'm so lame I can't give them a place to live....
Anyway I am still grateful for those kids and also that I have a job even though it doesn't pay enough to live on. I am grateful I can still laugh with my family and friends and even with myself. I'm grateful I can enjoy music and the few happy memories I can afford to make with my kids. Grateful to have it dry and warm for a few days as well.
Stress Less
Dance it out
Go for a walk
talk about it
breathe
Go to bed earlier
Focus on what you can control
think about good times
Ask for a hug
Look for opportunities in the struggle
Smile
Helpful hints I use some of these myself already. Here's to happier days tomorrow and never giving up no matter what the struggle.
Sunny blue day. Work went on as though the energizer bunny was in charge and I am very thankful to be at the end of it. Not feeling very happy lately I guess I'm just getting really stressed with court getting so close and not knowing what's going to happen or if we'll be homeless or not.... I really don't want to have to tell my kids I'm so lame I can't give them a place to live....
Anyway I am still grateful for those kids and also that I have a job even though it doesn't pay enough to live on. I am grateful I can still laugh with my family and friends and even with myself. I'm grateful I can enjoy music and the few happy memories I can afford to make with my kids. Grateful to have it dry and warm for a few days as well.
Stress Less
Dance it out
Go for a walk
talk about it
breathe
Go to bed earlier
Focus on what you can control
think about good times
Ask for a hug
Look for opportunities in the struggle
Smile
Helpful hints I use some of these myself already. Here's to happier days tomorrow and never giving up no matter what the struggle.
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