Thursday July 31, 2014.........


     Such a nice day at work.  So busy it flew by and the meeting with the President went smoothly and they were gone. They loved us as usual. He said they are raising the pay scales this year so hopefully we will get better raises.
     We are going camping this weekend and it's so much work I wish I could hire someone to pack for me.  ha ha I know lazy right.  It should be fun once we get there. Everyone will get to meet my honey and he can meet my crazy family.
     Jazmin is also home this weekend with us which is cool because she was with me last weekend as well. Guess I better get back to the packing and arranging the car so we can fit everyone.  ugh....

Wednesday July 30, 2014....


    Hump day is really not my cup of tea.  It always seems to be twice it's normal length which is already way too long to me.  My daughter is staying with her Dad for his visit.  Son 2 is in Oregon staying with his Dad. Son 1 isn't speaking to me and is a grown man anyway. It's quiet. Blessed quiet.
     We are going camping this weekend and I have not gotten anything ready or even know how I'm paying for the trip. Good times. Wish I made a lot more money.  Two jobs maybe?  ... hmmm we'll see.
      My supervisor is going to be out of town for another week and I'll be backing up for her again. She has to go back for more biopsies because she is not in remission anymore.  I'll probably be backing up a lot more while she's getting her treatments. I hope it's giving me experience that I can use while applying for another position because I tell you I need to make more money.
      I have been so happy lately that all the daily stresses and things piled on me by others have just not been as bad as they used to be.  They seem to roll off me easier and I see the situation then start looking for a solution rather than stressing about it.   I think I'm at that part of my life that I have decided to live for me rather than for everyone else. I want to be happy and I deserve to be happy. If you don't like it be on your way.
   

Monday July 28th, 2014....


     And it begins.  The ex is wanting the daughter for the rest of the summer.  She told him she was excited to go visit. Nothing I can do to
keep her here if she doesn't want to be here.  First time she has ever told him she wanted to go.  Makes a person wonder....
      At least she is older and can let me know if anything is going on that shouldn't be otherwise she'll just have to deal with him never being there, leaving her sitting at strangers houses to be babysat and basically ignoring and neglecting her.  Good times.
      God I can't wait until it's over and they are all 18. I can't wait until I don't have to be responsible for all this.  They can see him or not their choice.  I am praying for a lot of things to be over lately.  Like I would really like to get my money and get out of here so that nightmare is over.  I would really like boy 1 to either jump on board and be happy for me or get his place and take responsibility for himself. I would really like boy 2 to graduate so I can stop worrying about him as well.
      I really wish that Jazmin's Dad would just disappear because he is not a good Dad. I don't know if I can deal with him for another 8 + years. I would rather he leave without a trace than be in her life.  He does it to be spiteful and we all know it.  He was a horrible Dad to Zack yet Zack still goes to see him I don't get it....


    

July 26, 2014.....


  I have been having a perfectly wonderful Birthday weekend.  Worked on Thursday and then came home to the most wonderful sight, My man doing crafts with my daughter.  Man I love him.  She was all smiles showing me what they were doing.
   We had a BBQ and watched the neighbors fine display of fireworks and even though I worked I had such a wonderful time when I got home it was like having the whole day off.   The sun was shining and we had a water balloon fight with Jazmin and her friends.
    Friday we went to the park and had a picnic then went and visited a few people. We went to another park and the kids had a really good time.  I was beat from all the heat but had another wonderful day.  Today My man changed out my brakes, we ran some errands and went to lunch then came home and all of us took a nap.  Him and my daughter are currently out shopping for my Birthday... or they are out getting drinks.  I told him I only wanted him for my Birthday and he said I already have him so I told him I don't want or need anything.  I'll hope he's just out getting drinks.
   Other than still not having a place to move my life is pretty perfect right now.  I may not have much of anything but I feel right now as though there is nothing I could possibly need.   I'm leaving everything to God.  He's got my back and so far things are going great.

Tuesday July 22, 2014.....


    Happy Birthday shout out to my brother who I'm sure would never read this so I'll call instead.  Hoping his day was at least good. My workday went fast , I have been home gotten gas & groceries and started laundry.  I also changed my clothes and started dinner.
     My daughter should be home tonight if all goes well.  I miss her.  I haven't seen her for 4 days.  It's the longest I've ever been away from her.  Strange how much I miss her.....
      Need to keep looking for a place to live and also a second job.  I need to at least be able to cover a portion of the rent.  I don't know what I'll do to keep everything going and work two jobs but people do it all the time right? My man keeps saying he's got it and we can do this together but I guess I'm still in the mode that says I have to do it myself because who else can I trust? 
      Other than that and praying the house will sell, my life has been pretty good lately.  My house is clean because he never stops cleaning.  He appreciates me cooking and cleaning and I find that I enjoy spending time together no matter what we are doing or who we are with.  I just like being with him. He makes me feel well.. sounds cliché, but he makes me feel complete.
      Wish everyone else would jump on board. 

Monday July 21, 2014.....
  
     Doing the back up supervisor gig at my work this week.  I know sounds all  important and wonderful doesn't it?  No so much.  It mainly means that I get to take all the Sup calls from all the self absorbed idiots of the world who think it matters if there or is or isn't a period after an abbr.  I tell you all here and now, NO IT DOES NOT MATTER.  NOBODY GIVES A SHIT IF THERE IS A PERIOD AT THE END OF THE ABBREVIATION.  WE ARE NOT REQUIRED BY LAW TO PUT IT THERE.
    Thank you feels good to get that out. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and my man is home from work.... Happy Monday.

Saturday July 19, 2014....


    Nothing on the house yet. We thought we may have a buyer but haven't heard anything all week. Nobody has been through either which is kindof worrying me, not that I like the constant interruption in my life.
     Haven't heard anything on papers and nothing about the 401k.  I don't know what is going on but don't want my lawyer racking anymore money on the bill so I refuse to call and see. Almost everything I own is being packed and drug out to the disgusting garage.  yay.  I guess it does look better for people coming through the house but I really didn't want everything we own out in the garage. Oh well moving on....
     Life is good but stressful.  I haven't found anything for rent that I can even begin to afford and I have no idea what job to get in the evenings that will pay enough to cover rent.  I'm pretty much at a loss.  The days just go on and I'm still stuck in limbo. Can't wait until we are actually homeless and it is all truly over with.  Then and only then I will figure out which path I'm supposed to take.
  I wish I could explain to certain people why I don't want their money, why I  want to pay for everything yourself.  I've been called a money grabbing bitch for so long I really do not ever want that being said about me again.  I need to be able to support myself.  what to do.... what to do....

Wednesday July 16, 2014.....


    Taking son 2 to the airport for his month long visit in Oregon with his dad. I tell ya I sure do miss him when he's gone.  No idea how you get used to this but I know it will be over soon and he'll be back.  Hope he has a good time with his Dad.
     My life still going great.  Nothing on the house yet.  No idea where we are going still homeless? perhaps... things could be worse though.  I could live with the ex still..
      Can't believe it's already the middle of July.  Time sure flies when you are having fun.  I almost wish I could fast forward though and get through the rest of the crap.  Can't wait to be done with the house and moved and past the stress of what to do?  What to do?
     My new boyfriend doesn't let me stress too much which is nice but still it's always there in my head... Still looking for a better paying job or a second job.  Once I can support myself I will be much less stressed!!!

Monday July 14th, 2014.....


   Another Monday night upon us.  I don't really mind Mondays for the most part they always go fast at work.  I have tomorrow off because I have to work on Saturday this week.
    It is a hot summer today and we have the cooler and all available fans going.  downstairs is definitely better than upstairs. I can't wait until we can find a bigger place.
    No offers have been placed yet and it's been a few days  since anyone has looked at it.  I don't know what's going on.  He is gonna have to stop paying the mortgage so it can go into short sale. I don't know what else to tell him.
    My new life is so far going really well.  I don't know where we are going with it but I know that this man takes care of me very well.  I smile when he walks in a room, he cleans, he cooks, he's good with the kids, the ones who let him anyway.  He works on my car and makes everything around me better. He does things for me without wanting anything in return. Can you imagine?  He hasn't once called me names or screamed at me.  I may be dreaming.  Everyday he takes better and better care of me and I know he loves me even if he doesn't tell me (which he does)   The difference of being a man of action and well... not a man...
     

July 11, 2014.....


    Friday finally!!!    Loved today because my honey visited me at work. It was such a nice surprise and made my whole day..
   Other than the heat the day has been wonderful.  We are getting ready to go to Chuck E. Cheese with the kids. It gives me a headache but the kids really like it so that makes it all worthwhile.  I really like that we are making memories together and I am so happy.

Sunday July 6, 20014.....


   The long weekend is over, I could cry.. Whaaaa! ok the whining is over.  It's been a wonderful weekend that I wouldn't change a thing about.  I have been smiling and happy all weekend we haven't had many interruptions and the company I keep these days is wonderful.
     My boyfriend is wonderful plain and simple.  He doesn't sit on the couch saying  "Honey, I promise I'll do those dishes and take out the garbage".  No he doesn't say a thing he just cleans out the fridge, vacuums, dusts, scrubs whatever... oh my I don't even know what to think about it. He shows me every day that he loves me and I am so grateful to have him in my life there are no words.  

Friday July 4th, 2014.....


    Independence Day!!!   I love the BBQ's and hanging out with family and friends. I don't so much like the fireworks everyone does in the streets all over town but the big boomers at the park are cool.  I don't like fighting the crowds though and we don't have Jazmin this weekend so we are just hanging out here relaxing.  We have been to a BBQ already and I was so hot.  It is most certainly July.
     Things are going good with me. The kids are doing good too except Son 1 is still struggling with something. Son 2 is going for a month to see his Dad in Oregon. He leaves on the 16th and returns on like the 18th or something of August.
      Work is work but I need a better paying job. I really need to get out of here and get on my own. I hate being here still. We have no privacy and people are always coming through the house. Rusty is starting his drama and I'm sure that is not going to stop anytime soon because he is jealous and I'm sure the regret is rocking him pretty hard right now. Not my problem, I'm done caring what he is doing. I have my own life that is so much more peaceful and wonderful than I thought I would ever find.
      

Thursday July 3, 2014.....


    Off work and happy to be home. The start of a Holiday week.  Three days off with my honey.  Now if only there weren't going to be people here irritating us all day.  Three different people coming through to see the house they don't want. I'm so tired of having no privacy, no solitude, and no warning when these people just show up. I know it's only a minute they are here but it's still a very large inconvenience.  I don't think I ever want to be in this spot selling a house again.  I hate it!!!!
     I can't wait until it is over. I can't wait until he no longer has anything to do with my life my future or even knowing anything about me and what goes on with me.  I really wish he had disappeared like he kept promising to do.
    I am so happy starting my new life with my man.  He is kind and sweet and considerate.  He is respectful and loving.  He always thinks about me and what he can do for me.  I love him so much.

Wednesday July 2, 2014....


    Glad work is over today!!  Come home to a fresh set of stresses but I have chosen to be happy so vented those stresses to my sweetheart who is wonderful and listens to me whine like a champ, and we have since had a lovely evening.
     I swear I could get used to this happiness thing. No drama no fighting nobody calling me names and treating me like crap.  Wow!  Who knew!
I didn't know love could be like this.   I thought I had loved Terry a great deal but this is something different and more wonderful than even that.
I never knew but I'm grateful that I have finally found someone I can trust with my heart.  It's a wonderful feeling.

Tuesday July 1, 2014...




     July already!!  What a wonderful day!   Work was a breeze and just flew right by. Home has been more work than I had anticipated today but nothing I couldn't handle. Especially with the help of my man.
    Things are going good except we are still homeless. Nothing has gotten here as far as the money or the paperwork, oh well.  He'll get it here eventually.
    I am so happy lately.  Every day is just better and better than the day before.  It feels so good....