Monday March 31, 2014.....


    It might take a day, It might take a year
             Just hold on to Faith and let go of fear....


    Funny to be seeing some of the quotes I'm seeing today.  The one above and earlier "Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations." 
    My day didn't start as I had planned, it didn't continue as I had planned. I had to use an hour of sick time which blew my 100% attendance for the month.  I had a great day at work but when I got to get daughter she was sick and running a fever and had been at school all day sick. Boy 2 was already home sick for the day.
    We got home and I settled her in with some Ibuprofen. She seems to be a little better now.  The boy says he's dizzy.  Not really sure.
     The day has been going full tilt all day.  I was leaving the building at the end of my day, and thinking "didn't I just get here?"  I am going to hope that the entire week goes that fast.  It would be a wonderful change to the normal drag.
     Happy that my Monday is to the point where I am home with the kids. Happy that dinner is done and it's delicious.   Now I can relax.....

Sunday March 30. 2014...


   Didn't sleep my entire morning away today.  Woke up feeling more lonely and sentimental than yesterday which is definitely not a good thing for my happiness.
    Boy 1 is home today so I am not alone and my sis says she'll have boy 2 home in a couple hours and she's gonna go to the book store with me so I'm excited for that.  Things to take our minds off things. 
    Book stores are places of happiness anyway right?  I could hang out in Barnes and Noble for hours and not notice the time slip away.  They also have Starbucks so the smell is wonderful and you can't help but indulge in a delightful coffee as well.  Yes definitely a place of HAPPINESS.
     Daughter will be home later as well so everything will be back in place and hopefully these constant thoughts about him will go away. 
     I must get to the store and get my shopping done so I can be ready when they get here.  I still need to write the list.  I'm trying an entire week of new recipes for dinners this week from a new cook book I bought at work.  I'll let you know how they turn out.
    

Saturday March 29, 2014....


    Today was half way over when I decided to climb out of bed. I don't know what I was expecting to do today but I guess my body felt bed was the thing.  I am feeling a little lonely today.
     The kids are gone.  Boy 1 is at work, Boy 2 is at his cousins, and the daughter is with her Father for his weekend.   I have trapped myself at home by letting boy 1 take the car to work instead of just dropping him off.
     There are chores to do and so I of course will work on those but I would rather be off seeing a movie or going to lunch or something.  My life is passing me by and I don't know what to do with it.  Feeling not so happy today but hopeful the blues will go away as the day progresses.  It doesn't help that today was supposed to be full of sunshine and warmth and instead it is gray, and extremely windy.  Yuck!
     If I had a tv in my bedroom I think I would just go back to bed and pretend the whole day didn't even happen.  Tomorrow is stormy but perhaps happier?  we'll see...

Thursday March 27, 2014....


     Happy Day at work.  Wasn't as quick as the rest of the week but it's ok. On my way to bed and wanted to say that today I'm trying to be grateful for the little pleasures.
    The time I get to spend working off the phones.  My car still working.  My kids being mine.  They may not like me but I sure love them like there is no tomorrow. My job. My family.
     The sun is supposed to be shining tomorrow.  I can't wait!

Wednesday March 26, 2014...


   I don't know the year.  Yesterday I was using 2013.. today I type in 2015.  I wish it were 2015 because I'd be past the divorce and on with my life.  Hopefully by 2015 it will be much better.
    Today was great while I was at work.  What was that?  Yes I did just say that.  It wasn't overly busy, the people weren't too awful, in fact I think there was only one person who was actually mad when I answered and they were ok when we got off the phone.  I got to test the ivr the last 2 hours of my shift so that was a nice change and then it was time to go and that's always a happy moment.
     Then I get off work and there are missed messages from every school known to man, and one from my mother freaking out because my ex picked up my daughter after school again instead of waiting until I got her home.  So I ask if I can have some notice on that and he starts freaking out.  Then I got my son's report card and he failed a class he needed to pass.  My head feels as though it may explode.
      Trying to smile...  Trying not to freak out and ruin my night..... wondering why things never get better.  What can I do to make that happen?

Tuesday March 25, 2014....


   The boy has his learners permit.  I'm so old.  I remember getting my permit like it was yesterday.  Here I am all these years later taking my second son to the same building to get his learners.   Time flies.....
     The sky has been blue and sun has been out.  It has been warm as well.  Work went good and I slid through another month with an ok score.  I really need to find a better job.....
    Smiling has come easy today even though my mind has been unsettled and my stomach is always hurting. I have a Dr. appointment.  They could get me in to check my blood the end of April.  So only another month til hopefully I'm feeling better.
     The month after that  I'll find out where my future is off to.  Hope something good happens.  Hope the future is bright for us.  Praying for that anyway.
   

Monday March 24, 2014....


    Choose  your mood.  My day started to get to me but I put my best foot forward and got through it.  Hoping tomorrow goes as quickly as today did.
 I am trying to remember to not stress about things I can do nothing about and while I have been sad that our time here is coming to an end and I still have no idea where we are supposed to go, but excited for a new beginning and a different life.
   Still looking for a new job or another job whichever will get me into my own place.  I will get my own place no matter how long it takes me.  I don't have to let him ruin my life, I just have to find my own way and there is nothing saying that I can't have the American dream like everyone else.
  Smile and deep breath.  I want to just live in peace and I won't stop until I am there.......

Saturday March 23, 2014....


     What a gorgeous day.  I didn't get much done as far as cleaning but it was sunny and beautiful and we got a couple errands done and spent some time with my mom too.
      One more day of the weekend so that's good.  We may go to the zoo.  I am not positive yet but that may be what we do. It's free since I have my pass and that's a nice thing to do to pass some time.
     Maybe we'll just hang out and do nothing.  who knows?  All I know is I love the weekend.  I love being able to sleep in.  I love being able to relax and not be chained to a phone talking to people.  I love Weekends!!  I'm sure we all do but we should grab hold of the things that make us happy.
   

Thursday March 20, 2014....




     I joined a site called Happify.  It is games and brain stuff that is supposed to make you feel good and make you happy by playing them.  We shall see.   I didn't really get to into the site yet.
    Today was a lovely day though. I also got a $50 dollar gift card at work yesterday that I forgot about but am now remembering and I really love that I can earn extra money now and then.  It's been a few months since I've had it but I'm working my way back up.
   
                     You know you have made the right decision
                                   when there is peace in your heart.....
                                                                           unknown

Wednesday March 19, 2014.....




  Hump day is done!  Thursday is already on the horizon and whenever I think about it, instead of thinking about the long day ahead of me, I think of walking out the door after work.  That just makes me smile. If I focus on it long enough that will make things go faster.  or atleast happier.....
    The weekend is almost upon us.  don't really know what I'm doing besides helping my mom for a bit on Saturday.  Fun! 
   Cannot wait until I can know what's going on with my life.  Do I have to move?  Can I stay here?  Can I get my own place?  Are we homeless?  oh the limbo of it all....
   

Tuesday March 18, 2014....


     Off early today just taking it easy been smiling most of the day.  Ordered dinner to come to me and am now waiting for it's arrival.  Probably shouldn't spend the money but I'm so tired and don't want to cook.
     Made me a Dr. Apt finally and although they couldn't get me in for a check up til the end of April I am in the right direction.   April 23 2:40.   Looking forward to the needle.
     The sky is finally blue, the wind looks like it has stopped and it's supposed to be sunny for the rest of the week.  Looking forward to it.  Nothing better than sun.  :)

Monday March 17th, 2014....


     Later..........
     
      St. Patricks almost over I am here going through facebook , putting off bed. I saw this phrase and thought I would share because I liked it....


      An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.
               Whenever life is dragging you back with difficulties,
                           it means it's going to launch you into something great.
                                                                 So just focus and keep aiming.
                   

Monday March 17, 2014...... 
 
     Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!  Well I am trying to be happy despite the growing pain in my stomach. I really need to make an appointment with a Dr. and get my meds updated.  I've been getting sick to often again.
     The day is windy and gray and although it hasn't rained yet we are supposed to get mixed rain and snow today.  fun.  Im making corned beef and cabbage for dinner with baked potatoes and got my kids little cupcakes and cookies for a little celebrating of the holiday.  I have only just started celebrating it recently since I've been single.
     Hope the stomach starts feeling better............

Sunday March 16, 2014....


   Today is bright and beautiful and I am grateful to have the day off. Tomorrow is St. Patricks day and we will be having the usual Corned Beef and cabbage. Don't really know when I started celebrating this but it must have been since I've been on my own.
    Trying not to think too much about what is going to become of us.  I know things will work out and I just need to have faith but it is so hard.


     Just because It's not what you expected
            Doesn't mean it's not everything you've been
                                                           waiting for.....

Saturday March 15, 2014....


   I'm going to try and not sleep my entire day away tomorrow since it is the only weekend day I have left. Worked today.  It was not fun. It was short though as I got offset and was out of there by noon.
   I get off early on St. Patricks Day and also on Tuesday.  I needed a break after the 6 day work week.   I really need to get in a better groove though because I don't have much time left.
    Today was a good day otherwise ... Smiling and stressing.  Court date arrived.  The big day is May 14th.  Stomach has butterflies that just won't quit.

Thursday March 13, 2014....


    Life is full of choices
           and I choose HAPPINESS


    4 long days down and only 2 to go.  If they don't send me home early tomorrow I have a feeling I'll be going home early on Saturday.  I just want it over with.
     Smiling for the sunshine and the warmer temps though.  although we didn't have a bad winter it was still winter and I am still not a fan.  I much prefer the warm sunshine.
     Bed is calling my name and nothing makes me happier than the comfort of my sheets and blankets. Thankful for a comfy bed.

Wednesday March 4, 2014....


    So today is a beautiful day.  It's sunny and somewhat warm. They let me out early because It's my weekend so it still doesn't feel like you are getting a day off because they make you work most of the day first.  I still have to work six days this week no matter how many times they send me home early.  I'll just be grateful for the extra time to enjoy the sunshine and hope that everything turn out well in the end.
     I have smiled quite a few times today.  I think I have spent most of my day, day dreaming though. Wishing I would miraculously find some sort of job I could do from home, data entry wise and not customer service wise. Don't want to be chained to a phone although I wouldn't mind doing some sort of customer service job if it was email or chat so that I am not chained to a phone.  Anyone out there know of anything like that?  I know there fore the day dream.  I just want to have a place to call my own where I won't be thrown into the streets at any given moment .
    Happiness isn't hard if you can just get your mind to cooperate with you. I try so hard to forget about things, not stress about things I can't control (which is pretty much everything) but here I am a mass of knots and no relief in sight and I have no idea what is going on.  The tension is a mystery to me. Butterflies in my stomach... it all usually means my life is about to crash down around me.
      Guess I should be getting better prepared to be moving out and be homeless.   Again.  Anyone out there in this big world reading this that knows of any legitimate home jobs for data entry please message me info  :)
      When I'm making enough to say no thanks to anyone's help I'll be happy as a can be.  What to do?  What to do?
     

Tuesday March 11, 2014.....


      Happiness
                 Isn't about getting
                 what you want all
                                          the time.
                 It's about loving what you
                 have and being grateful for it.


    I sure am trying.  Keeping a smile on my face and when something breaks thinking, at least I still have all this other stuff.  Everyday isn't easy but you move past it I suppose.
    The week has just begun, it's my weekend to work.  As it sits I am scheduled to work 6 days which puts me 8 hrs overtime.  Good for the paycheck but not for the mind and it always makes for a long week.  Hopefully they will send me home really early tomorrow.  or they can send me home part of Saturday that would work as well.  Wishful thinking.  I'll be happy when I get the check though.
     I need to get myself back on budget with the bills so I know exactly what is owed and get it all paid.  I've done it before I can do it again.  I need a second job which I would really rather do from home but I don't know how to get such a job.  If anyone out there reading this knows please feel free to leave a message :)
     I am indeed grateful for many things.  I am grateful for I have all the blessings I do and sometimes can be a bit forgetful about it. I need to take control of my life and get myself the things I deserve.  Like a real vacation, a car that works right, and a place to call home.  That's all I need.  Then at least the stress would be less. ..   I think....
                

Monday March 10, 2014.....


   Grateful it is the end of the day and I'm about to go to bed.  So tired probably from the time change. Work is slowing down barely but we are still fairly busy.
    Im still feeling like crap and needing to get into a dr and get something done with my thyroid. 
    I was still smiling and taking deep breaths today. Tomorrow I hope they offset me so I can leave early.  I know I can dream though....

Sunday March 10, 2014.....


    "No one really cares if you are miserable,
                     so you may as well be Happy instead."


    Today was gorgeous.  The sun was shining, the birds were singing.  I love being off when it's like that. I have been getting a few things done today but not much.  Mostly just relaxing and passing the time.
     Took daughter to get her hair cut today.  She got a dramatic A-line.  She looks adorable.   It shouldn't be getting tangled any time soon so that's good. She likes it but misses her hair too, it was almost to her bum.
     I am always surprised how fast the weekend goes by.  It doesn't seem like it used to go that fast. Seemed like I used to have time to get things done and time left over to relax and actually enjoy being off.   Perhaps that is the difference. I don't enjoy it anymore because I always feel as though I am in limbo.  Never really knowing where I'm going to end up.  Where will I be calling home?  How can anyone be settled when things are going on this long.
      A smile on my face certainly helps keep a perspective on things though.  I am really wanting happiness and peace.  I am hoping with those things will come some sort of stability in my head at least.

Saturday March 9, 2014....


   " Being Happy doesn't mean that everything
is perfect....
    It means you've decided to look beyond
the imperfections....."
      Bought a collectors edition Pink Floyd book about the band and it has posters, stickers, tickets and signatures of the band members.   It is really cool and it was regular 35 dollars and I got it for 10.  Right!
    

Thursday February 6, 2014....


   Ahhh Thursday!  So glad to be almost through another week.  The weather is rainy and cold today so I am having a hard time keeping warm today.  Work went well and I think this week my only complaint has been that it seems to go on forever.   I wish I had as much time home with my kids as I have at work.
    I am still trying to think of what I can do to earn some more money.  I really need  to get another full time job so I can just go on with my life and be able to afford my own place.  There is enough time for that right? Two full time jobs?
    I always say that happiness can be achieved as long as you can afford the necessities and I still believe that.  If only I didn't have the stress of being homeless always hanging over my head.
    Can't wait until Spring finally decides to make a show of it.  I can only handle so many gray days before I start going insane.  I need sunshine!!!

Wednesday March 5, 2014....


   It was another great day today.  The sky was clear and blue as the sun was rising for my drive in to work.  Other than the usual people hindering my progress to and from the day went well.
    My son had a parent teacher conference where they tell me he is ready to be graduating. Graduating.  Time flies...
   Now I just need to be getting my car fixed and things will be good.  Everyone keeps telling me that I should just trade it in.  I don't know.  I really like having the space but I also like the idea of having a car again.
Small and easier to park.  Easier to maneuver.
     I have been happily spending my time trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.  I can't think of anything.  I was meant to be a mommy.  I know nothing else.   I don't want to be in customer service much longer.  I am not against data entry or something of that nature.  hmmm what to be what to be....

Tuesday March 4, 2014..


    Work is a mad house as usual. We are starting to ache for the days it is so slow they send us home.  Although when it gets to that we are worried our jobs are in jeopardy.  It's a double edged sword I suppose.
     Today was alright.  It went by uneventfully.  I am already seeing myself being done with tomorrow.  I want the weekend to be here already.  I want to sleep in and hopefully get more done this weekend than I got done last.
      I did a lot of smiling today.  Feels good to smile and sometimes I even find myself smiling and think "that's strange wonder what I'm smiling about"  see I make even myself curious what I'm up to. 

Sunday March 2, 2014...


   That's right, it's March.  I can't believe it is this far in the year already.  I am having a wonderful weekend although it is way to short.   I don't know why but weekends seem to be in double time lately.
    Happiness is hard today although I am not completely unhappy either.  I just have a lot on my mind lately and I really need to figure things out.  I need to be able to make a living and support my kids.  Seems like I may never be able to move on otherwise.
    Happiness may not depend on other people but they sure have a way of changing the course of happiness and making it an obstacle to retrieve.  Smile and deep breath.  Someday I will find my happiness.