Saturday....

December 12, 2015....

   My love had to work today. I miss him not being here on a weekend. It feels weird. Christmas is in two weeks and we still don't have much for the kids.   We have nothing really for the kids.   I have a couple gifts for Jazmin and one thing each for the boys. I did get all the boys their jammie pants. Now I just need to get the girls.   I really was hoping to have the money from the Donor but I guess he prefers to be in contempt. We are going to sell my ring hopefully we can get a few hundred anyway.  He paid 1500.00 for it but I doubt anyone will pay that much to me for it.  I'm hoping we can atleast get enough to get Christmas and pay a bill.  That would be great.
    The day is just flying right along and I don't feel like I've gotten anything done. I need to have the girl get her book report done and posted so it's not late, due Monday.  I hope it doesn't have to be in Essay format but I'm sure it will. Can not wait until she is out of the fifth grade.
    I want to bake cookies but don't want the mess.   I want to shop but have no money. I want to clean but can't make too much noise because boy 2 is sleeping. Oh the lives we live.

Wednesday

December 9, 2015...

    As Wednesdays go I guess today was not lethal but it was not my favorite either.   It was the energizer bunny day, just goes on and on.....   When it finally ended I was pretty exhausted from sitting around talking on the phone. I don't even know how that works. But I can barely keep my eyes open.
    The girl is seeing her Donor so I have a quiet evening planned.  When she gets home it will be more reading and questions. We have to get her book report turned in this weekend and I am hoping she gets better reviews than the last but her teacher is pretty strict. I have just found out that they are getting rid of No child left behind and if that happens I'm gonna have to step up my game as a parent making sure she gets through school.  It's almost harder than going yourself.
  Parenting.  I guess nobody ever said it would be easy.  The easiest part was the first 5 years when I sat around thinking it would be easier as they got older.   It hasn't.  If any thing it has gotten harder. I worry more. When they were little I could protect them, but that is no more.
    Christmas is almost here and we still have nothing for the kids. Good times. I really need a job that actually pays me something. (Besides poverty level)  I wish I could find the ultimate job.  I'll keep looking while I'm already employed so I'm able to pay the bills and buy food but otherwise I wonder if the perfect job exists at all. Probably not...

Monday...

December 7, 2015...

    Today was a pretty long boring day. I'm glad the workday is over and I am home but then the real work begins.  The dreaded question, "What's for dinner?" Has yet to be answered and unless I feed them cereal or bread and water I'm probably going to have to go to the store. I love going to the store.
(are you hearing the sarcasm?)
     I have been hiding in my bedroom since I got home from work and my kids are probably wondering where I am. I am not in the mood for cooking and homework.  Too bad that's my job. ...

Wednesday..

December 2, 2015...

   I am pretty happy about this year coming to its conclusion.   I really thought this would be such a better year for us but nope.  The ass ex still hasn't stood up and paid what he was ordered in court and I'm so bogged down paying off the loans I was forced to get because of it that I can barely feed my kids.   rant over.   Sorry I have just never known such a scumbag in all my life.  Can't believe I never saw it.  Moving on though, hopefully something will come up and I can at least feed them since they once again are getting no Christmas.
   I can't wait until my love gets home from work. He always makes me feel better.  Calm and safe. I sure love him.  He's the only good thing in my life besides my kids.
    Winter has come and it is cold. Sure wish we could have gotten our new windows so we didn't have to freeze again all season.  Maybe next year.  That seems to be my motto.  "Maybe next year.."
If only once, just once someone would see me and give me a break and hire me making a decent wage.   ha ha One can dream....