Saturday....

December 12, 2015....

   My love had to work today. I miss him not being here on a weekend. It feels weird. Christmas is in two weeks and we still don't have much for the kids.   We have nothing really for the kids.   I have a couple gifts for Jazmin and one thing each for the boys. I did get all the boys their jammie pants. Now I just need to get the girls.   I really was hoping to have the money from the Donor but I guess he prefers to be in contempt. We are going to sell my ring hopefully we can get a few hundred anyway.  He paid 1500.00 for it but I doubt anyone will pay that much to me for it.  I'm hoping we can atleast get enough to get Christmas and pay a bill.  That would be great.
    The day is just flying right along and I don't feel like I've gotten anything done. I need to have the girl get her book report done and posted so it's not late, due Monday.  I hope it doesn't have to be in Essay format but I'm sure it will. Can not wait until she is out of the fifth grade.
    I want to bake cookies but don't want the mess.   I want to shop but have no money. I want to clean but can't make too much noise because boy 2 is sleeping. Oh the lives we live.

Wednesday

December 9, 2015...

    As Wednesdays go I guess today was not lethal but it was not my favorite either.   It was the energizer bunny day, just goes on and on.....   When it finally ended I was pretty exhausted from sitting around talking on the phone. I don't even know how that works. But I can barely keep my eyes open.
    The girl is seeing her Donor so I have a quiet evening planned.  When she gets home it will be more reading and questions. We have to get her book report turned in this weekend and I am hoping she gets better reviews than the last but her teacher is pretty strict. I have just found out that they are getting rid of No child left behind and if that happens I'm gonna have to step up my game as a parent making sure she gets through school.  It's almost harder than going yourself.
  Parenting.  I guess nobody ever said it would be easy.  The easiest part was the first 5 years when I sat around thinking it would be easier as they got older.   It hasn't.  If any thing it has gotten harder. I worry more. When they were little I could protect them, but that is no more.
    Christmas is almost here and we still have nothing for the kids. Good times. I really need a job that actually pays me something. (Besides poverty level)  I wish I could find the ultimate job.  I'll keep looking while I'm already employed so I'm able to pay the bills and buy food but otherwise I wonder if the perfect job exists at all. Probably not...

Monday...

December 7, 2015...

    Today was a pretty long boring day. I'm glad the workday is over and I am home but then the real work begins.  The dreaded question, "What's for dinner?" Has yet to be answered and unless I feed them cereal or bread and water I'm probably going to have to go to the store. I love going to the store.
(are you hearing the sarcasm?)
     I have been hiding in my bedroom since I got home from work and my kids are probably wondering where I am. I am not in the mood for cooking and homework.  Too bad that's my job. ...

Wednesday..

December 2, 2015...

   I am pretty happy about this year coming to its conclusion.   I really thought this would be such a better year for us but nope.  The ass ex still hasn't stood up and paid what he was ordered in court and I'm so bogged down paying off the loans I was forced to get because of it that I can barely feed my kids.   rant over.   Sorry I have just never known such a scumbag in all my life.  Can't believe I never saw it.  Moving on though, hopefully something will come up and I can at least feed them since they once again are getting no Christmas.
   I can't wait until my love gets home from work. He always makes me feel better.  Calm and safe. I sure love him.  He's the only good thing in my life besides my kids.
    Winter has come and it is cold. Sure wish we could have gotten our new windows so we didn't have to freeze again all season.  Maybe next year.  That seems to be my motto.  "Maybe next year.."
If only once, just once someone would see me and give me a break and hire me making a decent wage.   ha ha One can dream....
   

Thanksgiving thursday...

November 26, 2015....

    I am thankful for my love. He is such a hard worker and still finds time to come home from a long day and do things for me. He keeps me sane and always takes very good care of us. He helped me with the whole dinner and it was our second success!   We didn't have near as many people tonight as last year and that is just fine with me. It was delicious!
   Boy two starts his job tonight. Black (blitz) Friday even.  He will probably never want to go to work again. Oh well everyone in the world should have to work in retail at least one year so they know what those people go through.
    I'm glad he has a job and I'm hoping he meets some new people that maybe he can hang out with and get out of the house now and then. Work experience is also always good. Just not jumping from job to job so I hope he stays with it for a bit.
    Thanksgiving done and gone.  Dinner two in two days. I will be thankful when it is over with.  I am going to start my Christmas decorating this weekend have my girl helping me. Should be pretty fun. I am hopeful that next year I will be able to afford some outdoor lights for my house so we can be all festive.   I used to have a bunch in my last life but they aren't something I got when I left.
I suppose we can enjoy the season even if we can't afford to celebrate the present part of it.

Wednesday...

November 25, 2015....

     Guess what today is?  That's right, it's Turkey eve.   I am so excited.   Baking my pies, and making cranberries and fluff later.  Just wait for my love to get home.  It's supposed to storm tonight and it is really windy.  When I was coming home it was raining a little.  Funny thing about rain, it can sprinkle for 5 seconds and people go nuts like it's a foot of snow or something, yet when it does snow a foot and roads are covered in black ice, they all continue going 70 or 80 as if they can't start spinning at any given moment.   It makes me crazy and makes me want to stay home every time it storms.   I mostly wish I was a bear so that I could just hibernate during the winter.   I would miss the holidays but I would be rested for the warm months.
     Work was sure slow and didn't start off very well but I endured until quarter to two... then when I left I couldn't start the car and put the charger on it but had to wait a minute for it to charge or something but finally got it started.  I hope it's just the battery that is going out.   Cars are expensive. I so wish I could just work at home from my bed.
     Tomorrow will be a good day with family and friends.  Then a day to clean and rest and we will have my family over again. We will be eating turkey all weekend... sweet!  I really don't want next month to come because I don't have any money for it. I really don't like when I can't afford to have Christmas. It sucks in a pretty big way. The boys are going to their Dads house for Christmas I heard but boy two just got a job so I don't know if they are going to let him have time off during the holidays.  I hope they get to go though because their other parents are pretty excited to see them.
     I need to get making my list for the grocery store which I have put off as close to payday as possible.  I already have the turkey of course but I still need to get all the vegetables and probably rolls too. I love thanksgiving food.   Mmmmhmmmm.

Tuesday..

November 24, 2015....

    Just like that it is two days before Thanksgiving and I can't be happier to be off work for the day.  I still have shopping to do for the dinner Thursday and then I have to shop for the dinner on Saturday with my mom and brothers.   I need to get another Turkey as well.  I'm hoping the boy can get me one with his discount so that I can afford it.  I love Thanksgiving.
     Today besides being thankful for being off work and home, I am also so very thankful for the love and support of my honey.  He not only works his ass off every day for 10 or more hours but he also comes home, helps with dinner and cleaning the house and the girls homework.  He drives them around and works on the cars and the yard....  There is just nothing that this man doesn't help with.  I didn't even really know men like him existed.   No offense to anyone, that has just been my experience.   I'm so blessed to have him. I'm also thankful boy two finally got a job. Now if they can just be more independent.

Monday..

November 23, 2015....


    Today was the first long Monday I have had in what seems like forever.   Mondays, are essentially busy days and always fly right by.  Not so for today. It wasn't steady and had a few busy times but all in all it was really slow. It felt really slow.
    At least I have my co workers, to talk me through it, make me laugh, remind me of the time.  Glad that it is finally over and forever grateful I have a job to think is slow.  Now to figure out the answer to the dreaded question.  Because as soon as I step out of this room it will be asked.   "What's for dinner?"  It's the question that echoes in my head all day...  I despise this question.  Food.  Food is what's for dinner and it doesn't matter what kind because I am not taking requests.  You'll be getting food.
    If only we could wiggle our noses or pull out a wand.....  My letter to Hogwarts never made it to me so those things don't work.  I'll have to actually go make it myself. Ugh. Times like these I want to completely return to being a kid and just hide in my fort and color. Let me know when you figure it out so I can eat to.
   

Sunday..

November 22, 2015....


    I really am thankful for my mother who was in the hospital with her heart defribelating. (not sure if that is spelled right as I am not good at the medical spelling of things.)  She makes my life so much easier and less stressful by helping my daughter to and from school and always going to see her in her plays and dances and activities.   I don't know what I would do without her and it really scared me she was in the hospital.  They didn't even keep her overnight.  They told her it was a virus causing it and she should be looked at by her regular Dr. and Cardiologist and then they would make sure all was well.  I am not ready for her to be gone from my life.
     My love and I went to my work Holiday party last night at the Salt Lake Hilton downtown.  (everyone is always all impressed when you say it like that)  They had a hypnotist and it was really nice.   I laughed the entire time it was so funny.  He was really good and was the co workers were really good sports and all did a really good job.   They also had a nice dinner and wonderfully decadent desserts.   We had a really good time.
     The new week coming up is a short week at work and I love when I get to stay home and get paid for it.   That is my favorite thing.   I'm cooking dinner for my family and my loves family.  His mother and a couple of his brothers will be here.   I also invited my brother who has yet to let me know.   Need to get that Turkey out of the freezer and get it thawing.  I should go do that now.  I never know when it's time to start it and then get stressed out on Wednesday when it still feels frozen.
I love Thanksgiving.  The food is all so delicious, and visiting with family and of course did I mention the good food...
    

Friday..

November 20, 2015.....


    Thanksgiving is only a week away. I still need to get all the vegetables and the rest of the side dishes. I can't wait.  Turkey is one of my favorites and we only eat it once a year.  It's really kind of a shame. We should eat it more but they are just so expensive.
      Work was slower today finally.   I left early and came home to relax and look forward to a weekend alone with my love.  The little one will be with her donor and we don't count the teenager or the hermits in the basement.   Ahhh how I love these weekends.   My favorite thing in the world is being with my love.   We can be sitting in silence and I would still be loving our time together.  My favorite place in the house is anywhere I am wrapped in his arms.
      Today I am thankful for the weekends and time to myself.  I am thankful for days to spend with the family and time also spent alone to recharge. I am thankful for my life and the people that are in it. I am thankful for my friends and the co workers that get me through the day.
   
   

Wednesday..

November  18, 2015....


      Monday number three anyone?  We had more people working today and still it was crazy.  Not Monday two but still...
     Still I am grateful to be at home and in my jammies.  Grateful the day and the week are almost over. Thankful for all I have and daydreaming about all I don't have.  It's amazing how when you go through what I have with the ex, you tend to realize what is important and what isn't. So far, I have found that as long as I have my love, I don't need anything else.
    

Tuesday, (or Monday #2)

November 17, 2015...

   Work was not fun. It was so busy and we weren't even getting time to track one call before the next one came in. We had to ladies out and we really felt the impact of them being gone.  Holding out hope that tomorrow will either be slower or we will have more people.   One can always hope....
    The house is freezing. I turned the heat up but still I am just freezing. I wore my coat all day at work today it was so cold.  It started warming up just about the time I was counting down to home.
My favorite time of the day.  When I get to leave.
    Not really feeling the whole dinner thing so I think I'm just gonna call it a leftover help yourself night.   The kids hate those, but I sure love them.   I am just in a very blah mood.   No money to pay my bills, no sunshine, cold, maybe I should just go to bed and hope Wednesday is better.

Monday November 16, 2015.....

   Today is Monday.  You all know what that is like.  The day after the weekend. I don't want to be at work.  You don't want to be at work.  None of us do. With that said, I was at work today for 8 hours and it was a true Monday, but I finally got off work.  Picked up the daughter and headed home.  It was looking up.  For a minute.
    Took boy 2 for a job interview and it ended up being quite awhile.  Just as nerve wracking for the boy as it was for me I'm sure.   While I was waiting, and waiting.. I checked my bank account which of course shows how I have spent more than half of the money on groceries and now I have no money for my bills.  I don't know what to do and I want to spend the remainder of my Monday just curled in a ball crying.  I'm so tired of never having enough.  I'm really going to have to consider how  I can work two jobs because I'm so tired of being broke.
    No Christmas again this year.   Fun! Love not being able to provide that for my children.  I suppose I have ranted enough already but to leave the rant with some sort of a positive...
I am Thankful that Monday is almost over and hopefully tomorrow I will win a million dollars, Hell who am I kidding I would be happy with 500.  It could just happen to fall out of a plane and land on my porch.  It could happen....

Sunday November 15, 2015

   It's a beautiful November day.   The sky is blue the sun is out it's warm for the season.  Tomorrow of course we are supposed to have snow.  We will see I suppose but I hope it doesn't start til I'm already at work.   I despise driving to work in the snow.
    I'm starting my thanksgiving list today.  I don't get paid before then so I need to get all the non perishables for the meals and somehow get food to feed my family as well.  Should be fun!   I really need to be making more money.  Even with his child support we are always low on money for bills and for groceries.   It's sadness.
      Oh well, we still have a lot to be thankful for this November.   A warm roof over our heads, warm blankets and beds to cuddle up in. Electricity to run our gadgets that we so rely upon.  Friends and family to share our lives with.   Laughter, and tears.   We have our freedom for what that's worth these days, we have food to eat even if we don't have an over abundance.
     I am also thankful to have a job though I always wish I could be paid more, I am forever grateful to be able to help support the family.  Guess I should get back to the meal planning since I am having two separate dinners.  One on Thursday and one on Saturday.  Should be a really good time.

November 12, 2015

   Today I have been thinking a lot about the things I have that I am so thankful for.   All the regular stuff, place to live, food to eat, bills paid.   I'm also thankful for my family, and friends.  I'm thankful I have a job and health insurance, and a car to get me to work.  I have electricity and hot water and well there are a lot of people that just don't.   Don't have any of these things.   I have them all.  I should be more grateful than I am as I stress over all the little things, Christmas presents, tangible items, things that sit and collect dust.
     I'm also thankful for crunchy fall leaves and children's laughter.   Taco soup and hot coffee on a snowy day. I'm thankful fluffy blankets and cuddling up to watch movies. I'm thankful to have a best friend that never lets me down.   All in all I think I have a lot of riches even they don't come from money.

November 10, 2015.....

      Lost my computer... But I'm back and hello.... Not much going on around here.   Working, working, and working.  Oh and homework with the 10 yr. old.  Speaking of Homework with the 10 yr old, I don't remember having to do another 4 hours of homework every night, when I got home from school, when I went to 5th grade.   It was rare if I ever even had homework.  Usually if you were sick or something but otherwise only reading and book reports. The occasional page of Math homework perhaps.   But hours of math, flashcards, reading, spelling, vocabulary, book reports (this one isn't every night of course) but you get my meaning... it never ends. I am not surprised she likes school less and less as the days go by. 
      The oldest is still working at Harmon's, and Number 2 is home and looking for work. He has applied at several places but I really think he needs to get out of my basement.  Video games are not a life.  He needs to meet people, see the light of day.  Even if he's a vampire he can find work at night.
The others are getting on as best they can. Since last I wrote I have moved to a new home in Sandy. It is 4-5 bedroom 2 bath and a mansion compared to the shack of the recent past.   Whenever I pull in the driveway it says, "Welcome Home!" ......  ok not really but that's what I hear in my head.
      All new appliances and my pipes don't freeze up and break.  I can actually use my garbage disposal without an extension cord,  I know, you are thinking I must be insane but not so much anymore.  I am here.  In my home with the Love of my life.  Things are good.
      There are four more children. One that lives here, I call her, "The girl"  or "Girls" if the 10 yr old is around. Another girl older, and Two boys, one Older than mine and one right after.  They live on their own.   They bring a lot of drama.  Drama I've never had with my kids. It's strange getting used to.  I never really entertained at the shack, for so many reasons, but here we have get togethers all the time with friends and family.  I'll be hosting Thanksgiving here again this year for my loves family and then again two days later for my family.  It should be great.   I think I am also hosting a Christmas party for my family this year as well.
       Fun!  Fun!  Now if only I would get the money that is owed me I could afford Christmas.   Or do you ever really afford Christmas?