Thursday..

June 30, 2016....


   I'm feeling really down today.  I'm low on funds and can't pay my bills. We are low on food as well. I just started my vacation today and was quite excited but then my love called to tell me that they are done but he doesn't feel like driving back today.
    So I of course am feeling like I am completely unimportant to him. Not to mention that he's staying at his ex in laws house and so I am self conscious about that as well.  I am trying to not dwell on it. I know he's probably tired from working all day and I have had a hellacious time in traffic today as well but I would totally want to get home to him. 
    I need to think of it more as peace and quiet and alone time for me not a punishment.  I need to take the things I'm learning in therapy and use them to calm my mind. I'm sure he loves me. I'm sure he misses me.  I'm sure things are never going to be like they once were and it makes me really sad.
     The donor is of course an hour and twenty three minutes late picking up his daughter who of course is sitting at the window staring down the road. I have things to do and would rather not be waiting on him. Guess I could just go and let her show herself out but that would be a little rude.
    This is not at all what I always pictured my life being as a child. The dream wasn't much but it was still better than always being alone in poverty.  At least in the dream there was someone who loved me and kids that were happy and productive. I don't have either of those things. Guess I'll have to start working on that as well.