Saturday

November 5, 2016....




    In just a couple days the madness will end and we will have a new president for worse or worst.   I
don't like either of the choices but feel she's the worst one. She had her chance while her husband was in office and busy screwing his interns.   Even he was choosing someone else. He's probably not even voting for her. Im not. I did register to vote but I don't know where to go and I never got any confirmation that I registered. I'll have to ask my mom because she will know.  They said they had to
use what was on your drivers license so that's her address.
     Fall is here and the leaves are making my yard feel like thanksgiving. I'm not sure what we are doing as far as my mom. I feel like she should be able to go to dinner with me at my brothers house but she doesn't like being around my dad and his wife. Forgive and let go I say.   I love thanksgiving
and cooking Dinner and hosting dinner. I love that my love doesn't just sleep on the couch all day only getting up to eat and then retreat for a nap before eating dessert and going back to sleep while I do I'll the cooking and the clean up.  He helps clean the house sparkly and helps cook the turkey and all the other sides.
     I must admit I unblocked my ex and got on his facebook the other day. I wanted to know if he was friends with J on hers. I don't want him seeing anything to do with me. I don't even like him being by my property when he picks her up and drops her off. I found it intriguing how he has been to slcc and how he posts things about how if someone is a cheater they are in a relationship when the one who isn't cheating is trying to pick up the pieces and heal. I wondered if he was hurt by someone and I hoped he was. Can't wait to block him again but I have to wait until tomorrow. I never realized how much damage he had done to me until L showed me. I'm glad I have finally gotten the help I needed and am feeling better and more courageous to defend myself when needed.
    The holidays are upon us and it's making me feel really grateful for many things. I haven't been playing the game on facebook but may do so the last week or so before Thanksgiving.  I can tell you I have been thankful for so many things lately and first and foremost that is my love. He is not only gorgeous and sexy, but he is funny, smart productive a most wonderful provider, takes really good care of me both when I am sick and when I am well. He doesn't judge me when I make mistakes and he is always ready to hold me in his arms.  He comes home from a long day at work and doesn't just expect dinner and fall asleep on the couch. He helps make dinner. He asks how my day was. He asks J how her day was. He gives me a big hug and kiss and I welcome it. I am grateful for his constant help around the house and for his listening ear when I need it and his helping hand when I need that as well. I am grateful for his never ending love for me.  I am grateful for my children and even when we don't see eye to eye I'm am proud of them all. T is doing good in Oregon. K still doesn't have full time but is working more hours and paying his phone bill steadily, as well as his rent.   I need to break the news that if he's still living here in January the rent is going up. My love wants to raise it to 400 but I think 300 is fine. That gives me 50 dollars help with groceries and 50 dollars for his phone then 200 dollars to help with the mortgage. So far I am keeping 100 and he is only getting 100 to help with the rent. It's just not enough. (or so he says)
      I'm hoping for Christmas to spend at least 50 on all the kids. I'm talking the big ones because J will probably have a little more spent on her since she still (at the age of 11) believes in Santa.   There are some things she has asked for like a bed set and stuff to decorate and organize her room. She's getting so big she didn't ask for any toys at all. It's like she's a teenager already.
      Last year I think we were able to get them all some money but I wanted to do more than just the stockings. Although I still want to have the stockings for them too. This year I want to be even more prepared for Christmas by having a brunch. J is with her Dad and won't be home until around 11.  We get to sleep in. I'm psyched. I may go and get my mother though and have her come for a bit and eat with us.   Then I would like to also have maybe (don't know if I'll be up to it emotionally or financially) but a Christmas party with my loves family would be fun. I want to get his mom something she will like. Something Elvis or Froggy.  Her apartment complex is infested with bed bugs and they aren't doing anything about it. I feel like calling the board of health to go and check it out.   I find it to be disgusting. Even if we pay to have her apartment treated it's all over so she'll just get them again.  I don't want them again ever!!!
    I am also grateful for my home. My love and I try to keep it clean as we can and since it's a mansion compared to what I am used to it is not cluttered like my other homes were. It is refreshing to come home each day and I am grateful every day that we were able to get it.  I think the best thing about it though is that it is mine with my love. This is where he comes home each night.  I love him.
   I'm grateful for my job even though it frustrates me and the insurance and atmosphere is going down hill. They can't keep tenured employees and I think my team has the most tenured employees in the building beside custom and leadership. Sad I think. It used to be fun.  I'm grateful for Jesus dying for my sins on the cross so that I too may be forgiven. I'm grateful for prayer and for him giving me my love when I asked for him to give me who he made for me. I'll never leave him ever. He'll have to leave me because as far as I'm concerned he's my better half and I can't live without him.   I'll have more to tell you about my gratitude as the days go on. Right now Im grateful for the wine I've probably had too much of...