Thursday

January 5, 2017...


    Second day back to work after the holidays. Next week is going to seem really long.  We were busy as all get out today so glad that we were all there to take the calls or it could have been horrifying.  Debbie even came in early to help the service levels. (we don't know what the service levels are except they are usually bad when one of us is gone.)  My cough was horrendous but I made it through my shift and didn't lose my voice or hack away in anyone's ear so I guess it went pretty good.
   I'm feeling really insecure lately. I just keep gaining weight and I'm doing nothing different than I always do. Not doing so good on my exercising though but I swear I almost wish I was still all riddled with anxiety so I could shed the pounds again.  Ahhh I guess we'll do anything to be thin won't we?  I just miss being able to move better I guess. Plus my love keeps talking to his women friends and I know I should not be jealous but I so am. I know he loves me and what not but I don't know what sign it is to these other single ladies when he makes it ok for them to call him and text him whenever they want, I feel like they feel he isn't happy in his relationship and who knows what that might lead to.  I guess I'm just not ready to find that I'm being replaced again and that's how it makes me feel.  Yesterday he even was going to borrow money to one of them for her rent. REALLY you just call some man and ask him to pay your rent?!?  And he was going to borrow it to her. Not a word to me. I know it's not my money it's his but we are supposed to be together so you would think he would at least pass it by me but no. None of my business is what I take from it, although he says it's no big deal because her check showed up and she could pay her own rent. crisis averted.  Except it's not our crisis it's some other woman's crisis.   See I'm awful.
     The snow fell hard last night, took me almost an hour to clean off my car and get to work. I wasn't late thank god but it sure was the wonderful commute. Saw several bad accidents although my car handled it like a pro and I was safely there and home.   Now I need to go out and shovel but having only a couple hours of sleep I'm already exhausted.