Sunday December 29, 2013...

    Lazing about with my daughter, trying not to stress about how I'm going to pay my bills.  It sucks the energy and happiness right out of you to stress about everything that you have no control over.   I keep learning that lesson.  It's better to just wait and see what happens and then stress over what you can actually do something about.  The rest is just going to have to take care of itself somehow.
    The New Year is upon us and I don't know if I'm going to have a resolution or not.  Nobody ever keeps them like a bunch of lies to ourselves that we know ahead of time is never going to happen. But I do wonder if I should have a new set of goals going on.  I really need to get myself a better paying job.  I also need to get out of debt and get my credit back in order so I can save to buy my own place.
     It may take awhile. I may have to work two jobs somehow. I may not get much sleep and probably will be grumpy about it but in the end it will be so much better for me.  New goals would be nice since I haven't updated them in awhile and the last ones will still be on the list but hopefully will get crossed off this year.
      I am so grateful for everything I have and think that no matter what happens in court I am still ok with a whole life still ahead of me that I can make wonderful with or without someone else in it.  I don't know what I am supposed to be taught by all this but I do know that as the years pass by it should be easier and easier. 
      There have been several set backs this week, but otherwise I am still feeling happier each day.  The days that I do have a set back and blow up about something don't hang on forever anymore, and I find that once I have slept on the problems they suddenly don't seem so bad anymore.  They are still there of course.  I still can't pay my utilities and don't know what I'm gonna do for groceries, but suddenly doesn't seem like something I should worry about.  After all,  there is not a thing I can do about it.
      What I can do is play with my daughter and make memories that will live in her mind and heart forever.  I can bake cookies, and clean my house and laugh, and dance and sing out of key.  I can relax and watch tv with my daughter snuggled up tight.  I don't have to spend my day, stressed and sad and angry and sick.  That is my choice.  I choose to live it happy....