Wednesday December 11, 2013....

    Hump day, been and gone.  Wasn't so bad.  Extremely busy all day as usual. It was a beautiful day with some blue sky and a little sunshine.  Typical smoggy winter day in Utah.  No snow, which is perfect for me.
     I have a friend coming to help me with my washer situation, (it broke) and so I am hoping for the best with it. I am thankful I still have a dryer and I can wash something in the sink in a pinch.  Otherwise it will be off to the Laundromat or a friends house.  Not the end of the world.
     The holidays are upon us and I have basically been a scrooge because I don't have any  money for presents, but maybe that will just make next year all that much better.  I have been trying to think of things I can do with or for my kids instead of presents.  Maybe that will at least make it memorable.
      I am grateful for my friends and family.  For their love and support in my everyday.  I am grateful for all my blessings however small.  I am grateful for my car getting me to work and home again, even with all it's problems.  I'm grateful for my job and pay check it creates, no matter how small it be.  I am grateful that I have people in my life that make me laugh.
     I am grateful for my co workers, they are what get me through each and every day.  I am grateful for all the things I learn there.  I am grateful for the customers, without I wouldn't have a pay check but I am not grateful for the way they treat us on the phone.
     My journey to become happy has come at the perfect time in my life, I think.  I am old enough to know I want to work most things out on my own, and ask for help when I need it.  I am not too old to still enjoy my life and new found happiness.   I know what I want and am just trying to find the means to getting it.  What I want is Happiness, and Peace.  That's all.  I'm coming for it and getting closer each and every day.   
     Today I asked my ex for some help looking at the washer.  Hours went by and he never answered and when he did text to say he was coming over to pick up our daughter he didn't mention it.  I assumed, by mistake that he wasn't wanting to help me.  That's fine.  So I start asking friends, find someone to come look at it and then text him back to let him know so that he doesn't have to worry about it.  When he drops her off, he starts coming in to look at it.  I tell him that I am having someone else look at it and ask if he got my text, he gets all upset and leaves. I text him again and tell him I'm sorry about the misunderstanding.  He texts me telling me that I am mad and treating him like shit.  hmmmm I tell him I am not sure what he means but that I have not been mad at him for some time and that in fact I am not mad at all and wasn't mad then, but that I find it amusing he still thinks he has a clue as to what mood I am in or what Im thinking or doing. There were a couple more texts but all in all when it was over, I thought about it and re read the texts, but the more I recognized the behavior the happier I became.  It is not me that's miserable anymore.  I get up , grudgingly because it's so early, but with a smile on my face, I may have moments of regress throughout the day but for the most part I fall asleep with a smile on my face as well.
    After todays exchange I feel even more happy because I can actually feel the progress I have made.   I still have my moments , I'm not a completely changed person yet and I think its going to take a long time to get there, but I can feel the change.  I can feel there is less stress when you just let it all go.  It feels good.  It feels good to feel happy.