October 6, 2013...

    As you can see I have changed up my blog a little bit.  I am very tired of feeling all this anger and hatred, and I know that it aids in my always being depressed and feeling the victim.  I have decided to keep a journal of sorts about my goal to become happy and at peace. 
    Forgiving of course must be the first step and I have started that process but hoped it wouldn't be so hard.   I just keep holding on to the thoughts that if you forgive it means it is ok, that it doesn't matter what this person has done to you.  But I know and have been told by many that it is not true.  That forgiving only helps me move on and let go of the pain and anger.   I would do anything to let go of the anger.  I would also like to lose all the hatred.
    I know that my journey must start with forgiveness though so we will start there.  I would also like to stop feeling so much anger towards everyone and everything.  I think that smiling and taking deep breaths may help a little bit.  Smiling is supposed to make you feel better and taking deep breaths is supposed to help in alleviating stress.   Praying of course will aid in the process of forgiving.
    This weekend I think has taught me a few things, first being that I can only count on me.  Myself.  No one else.  I am no different than any one else.  I too can have a decent job.  I can take care of myself and my kids without anyone's help, I just need to find the strength to make my dreams come true.
    Where we will go from here I don't know.  But I know that I deserve to have some peace in my life and only I can make the changes that will help me find happiness.
    Whatever happens tomorrow it's a new day.  A brand new start to make things happen for the better in my life. A brand new day to open my mind and soul to finding happiness in the simple things without anger getting in the way.