Friday..

April 15,  2016.....




   Well here it is the weekend again.  I love the weekend, or at least I used to.  Now I'm not so sure. I love sleeping in and staying up late. I love spending time with my love when I get to but I don't love being in constant pain and shaking and nauseous. I, as you know think it isn't right.
    He's never going to make him leave and he's never going to leave on his own. I'm stuck. Stuck here owning a house I need medication to be inside of.  Stuck inside a house feeling like I'm having a heart attack with all the pain exploding in my chest, shoulders and neck, and stomach.  Not able to do anything about it. Being told its no big deal and I should just ignore it and not let it bother me.   Wish I could do that.  Wish I could.
   In fact if I could accomplish controlling this there wouldn't be a problem.  But there is a problem a big problem.  It better get resolved soon or I'm gonna have to abandon the house and move in with my mother after all.  I have got to have peace.  I cannot live feeling like I'm gonna die.  And most importantly how will I know the real thing If I am forever living the pretend one.  I guess when I collapse on the floor we call the ambulance???