Wednesday...

  April 13, 2016...


  Blessed Wednesday.  I don't really like the term hump day, and quite frankly I think Thursday is the worst day to get through but anyway I do like Wednesday because I don't have to go get the girl.  I can come straight home and get something accomplished. Today I pulled some weeds and I'm washing my second load of laundry.
   Things here are about the same, still waking up with chest pains and stomach pains. I am usually not shaking unless L is home. I really wish I could control it.  That could be my super power. Controlling my anxiety. It would start up like always with the shaking.  Then it would progress to the chest pain and stomach pain. Then finally the explosive pain when I try to take a deep breath since the anxiety makes me feel like I'm suffocating. Being a super person though I would just say "stop it" and go back to my daily routine. Instead though,  It's a real good time for me I tell you what and I am totally sure that it is perfectly ok for me to have to live like this. On medication just to be home in my own home.
  I can't even move because nobody would pass my credit check with a mortgage on it so that I could even pay rent somewhere.  But L is happy and doing as he pleases so that is all that is important. Love my life.
   I at least get to go to work for 8 hours everyday. I still have to deal with the chest pains, stomach aches, head aches but I don't shake as bad and I don't feel like I can't breathe.  I like to breathe. Not knowing what to do....