Saturday...

April 9, 2016...


   I made it through Friday thank god and I am already wishing that there was another day in the weekend. I really feel like I missed out on my Friday since I had chest pains all day and was sick to death at work all day.  It finally went away but I don't know what it is going on with me. I feel like I don't have a life anymore and I mean that as I have lost myself as well.
   We have kids and life is messy.  I should know that things will pass and they will all grow up and make mistakes and hopefully learn from them, but I wish my body would not freak out over every little rush of whatever hormone sets it off. I am getting lower and lower on my meds for anxiety and I don't know if she will give me more or not. I guess I'll just have to ask. 
    I had a flood of emotion this morning and hope that things are ok with me and my love.  I love him and I don't want to be so angry all the time but I am so tired of having to live like this.  It's my home but when I am here I'm so stressed I can't breathe, I have chest pains, head aches, on and on.  I don't know if he understands or not but at least I got it out.
    He is off helping N and his girlfriend with their car. They got a flat and couldn't get the tire off so they could get it fixed. I guess it messed up the stud when he was trying to get the tire off for them and so now they have to deal with that. Cars!!  I discovered today that N doesn't set off the same kind of triggers that L does. I haven't had chest pains all day.  Although I will say that L has been gone most of the day and K just got home as well so we still have many hours to go before we call it a successful day.
    I did get my house cleaned and laundry is almost done. I weeded in my flower garden as well. I am baking me a potato for my diner and I guess here in a minute I will climb into my jammies and watch something on Netflix until my love get homes Hopefully that will be sooner than later.